The Best Trick for Conquering Your Fears

Last month, I road tripped around Iceland for a week by myself which was a HUGE accomplishment for me, because while this wasn’t my first time traveling alone, it was certainly my first time tackling treacherous weather! So it inspired me to create a video on conquering your fears.

Confessions of a Scaredy-Cat 😸

One compliment I get quite often is, “Wow, Karen you’re so brave.” People usually tell me this when I talk about traveling alone, like this Iceland trip, moving to India for a college internship, or backpacking in Europe for 3 months. I can see how one might think I’m brave, but let me tell you. I am the biggest scaredy cat! Never in a million years would I call myself a “thrill seeker” or “fearless.” Because I am constantly crippled by fear! In fact, I would go as far as to call myself a “Worst Case Scenario-ist"

For example, Iceland has been at the top of my bucket list for a while now, but I kept stopping myself from going every time a “What if?” crossed my mind. Like… what if my car gets stuck in several feet of snow, and then I’ll have to resort to sleeping in my car, and then a serial killer finds me?

Then a couple months ago, my job sent me to London for a business trip, so I thought, “Perfect! I can stopover in Iceland on my way home!” So I booked my flight to Iceland,and then I … IMMEDIATELY REGRETTED IT! I thought trapping myself into a non-refundable flight would force me to get over my fears of traveling alone in Iceland, but within hours I was already tormenting myself with all of the “What if’s."

So you might wonder, “Well Karen, if you were so scared of traveling to Iceland, then why do you do it in the first place?"

It’s because I think of fear as this thing I have a relationship with, meaning it doesn’t define WHO I AM, but is just a part of my mind that I can choose to listen to or not listen to.

So why exactly do we even feel fear?

Fear is the result of evolution, the survival of the fittest. Our ancestors actually faced life threatening situations where fear, their killer instinct, would tell them, "OK IT’S TIME TO GET THE HECK OUT." But modern day human beings don’t face these kinds of threats. We don’t have to worry about prey eating us alive on our way to work. But since fear is still engrained in human behavior, we need to be able to recognize when fear is not helping us. Behind every single one of my fears is a deep desire to accomplish something incredible. 

Then I started thinking, what if fear is just a part of my mentality, but not all of it? What if I can choose to not listen to that part of my mind, meanwhile I can choose to amplify the messages from the other parts of my mind?

So from my experience, the best trick to conquering your fears is to learn how to not listen to your fears when you’re not actually in a life-threatening situation. Instead of letting fear prevent you from pursuing your deepest desires, just DO that thing you’re scared of and don't think about how you’re scared about it. Like literally tell your fears to SHHH!

My Mental Model

FEAR is telling me, “Karen, if you go to Iceland by yourself, your car might get stuck in the snow in the middle of nowhere, and then a serial killer might find you.”

Meanwhile, SKILLS is telling me, “You just need to watch some Youtube videos about how to get your car unstuck in snow."

And RESOURCEFULNESS is telling me, “You just need to call the car rental company to see if your car comes with snow tires."

And KNOWLEDGE is telling me, “Karen, you just need to look up the crime rate in Iceland."

And what do you know! I learned a few tricks to get a car unstuck in snow. The car rental company confirmed that my car would have snow tires. I learned that Iceland is LITERALLY the safest country in the world.

Then I realized that the messages that SKILLS, RESOURCEFULNESS, and KNOWLEDGE were leading me to facts, whereas FEAR was giving me nothing but fiction.

Fear is like a pair of sunglasses. When it’s on, it colors your vision. But you take it off, you go back to seeing the world objectively. Fear is not WHAT you see. It is just your emotions manipulating what you see.

The Payoff of Disempowering FEAR

This is the most important takeaway: If I only listened to FEAR, I never would have gone to Iceland.

I never would have gotten soaked in waterfall mist in this moss-covered cave, hiked to the top of this mini mountain without any marked trails, walk along a glacier, witness icebergs drift off to the ocean, drive through 5 kinds of weather in a single day, play with Icelandic horses, watch the northern lights dance in the sky, and soak in robin egg blue water at the Blue Lagoon.

I never would have driven 817 miles, wandering from one natural wonder to another, never knowing where I was going to sleep at night, and done it all by myself.

In summary, the trick to conquering is to disempower your fears and let your skills, resourcefulness, knowledge, strength, bravery, problem solving ability, optimism, and whatever assets you bring to the table speak up instead.

In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, "Everyday, do one thing that scares you." 

Going Skiing? How to Put on Tire Chains

If You're a Snow Newbie, READ THIS!

So you're planning on a trip to Tahoe, Aspen, etc. and you're excited to break out your skis and snowboards for the season. But did you know that you need either snow tires or snow chains when you're driving on icy roads? If you're like myself (inhabitant of sunny California), most likely, your car does not have snow tires or all-weather tires. So that means your tires are not designed to drive on snow or ice. Then, most likely, you're going to need to put on tire chains.

First things first, WHY do we need tire chains? For traction.

The grooves on your tires provide friction against asphalt, but when the roads are covered in snow and ice, then your tires won't be able to grip the asphalt. Even worse, when you’re driving, your car can start skidding on ice and lose control. Wrapping chains around tires will give your tires more grip in a slippery situation! 

KEY POINT: If you’re planning on driving somewhere where there’s a chance of snow, like on a skiing trip with your family, friends, or loved one, buy tire chains because they might just save your life and everyone else in your car. Also, in some states, it’s illegal to drive in snow without tire chains.

What You Need

Must-haves

1. A set of 2 tire chains that FIT your tires
2. A set of 2 rubber adjusters

Nice-to-haves

1. Waterproof work gloves, because the tires are dirty and the snow is cold!
2. A flashlight or headlamp, to help you see under your car
3. An old mat to lie on top of the ground. Now would be a good time to change into something you don’t mind getting dirty!
4. And a friend! A ideal setup would be someone putting on tire chains while another person drives the car. But don’t worry, even if you’re alone, you can totally still do this by yourself.

 

Buying Tire Chains that Fit

The fit is crucial! You don’t want your chains getting loose and tangled as you’re driving!

1. Go to an auto parts shop, and tell them your car’s make and model. You can also give them your tire size by looking at the side of your tires for a combo of letters and numbers. Sometimes it’s hard to see this on your tires, so you can also find it at the bottom of the your driver’s seat opening. Based on this information, your auto parts shop will give you the right tire chain size.
2. Also ask them for a rubber adjuster. These rubber bands tighten the tire chains to ensure a snug fit.

How to Put on Tire Chains

1. To determine which tires to put your chains on, figure out if your car is front wheel drive, rear wheel drive, or all wheel drive. For most of you, you’ll put them on your front tires since most cars are front wheel drive.
2. Make sure your car is parked, with the emergency brake on. Lay each chain flat in front of the tire. The bottom rung of the chain should sit right where the tire meets the ground, with the curvy tips facing up.
3. Drive the car forward until there is about 10 inches left at the end of the chain. This is where having a friend drive the car helps, because you can tell them when to stop.
4. Park your car again, with the emergency brake on. Starting with the back side, hook the bolt into the hole. Now do the same for the front side. Align the bolts, so if the back side is hooked onto the 3rd bolt, so should the front side.
5. Hook on the rubber adjuster to the chains, with the metal hooks evenly spaced out. Now to be completely transparent, this part was tough. PRO TIP: Push your leg against the tire for extra leverage as you pull on the rubber band.
6. Repeat again for the other tire.
7. Drive in the snow and go have fun. Make sure you don’t go faster than 25-30 MPH!
8. When there is no longer snow and ice on the road, remove the chains. It’s honestly gonna be a pain to put them back into the bag they came in, plus they get really dirty. So just put the chains in a garbage bag and head home so you can defrost, snuggle up to a fire, and sip hot cocoa to feed your soul.

So I did it!!  I finally learned how to put on tire chains! And I made it safely to Mt. Shasta for a day of snow shoeing in several feet of the freshest, powderiest snow you’ve EVER seen. Two badass feats in one day? If that’s not the Womanly State of Mind, I don’t know what is.

Thanks for reading. #lifeskills baby!

MONEY 101: Credit Cards, Debit Cards & Checks

Let’s talk about MONEY! Why? Because it is JUNE, which means you’re making the most of summer so you’re going out with your friends, you’re headed to music festivals, your diet consists of boba tea, froyo, ice cream, and OMG now you’re broke.  It’s so easy to spend WAY too much when your friends wanna go out, and you wanna have fun too!  Who wants to be left out?

Now you might be thinking, KAREN, I don’t need you to explain to me what a credit card or a check is. I know, this stuff seems super basic. BUT if you don’t know what is an APR, credit score, interest, minimum payment, rewards points, credit limit, account number, or routing number is, then keep reading and you might learn something new! I am not ashamed to admit that I didn’t understand what a credit score was until I was 24 years old. It’s better to know EVERYTHING about money, because if you are even the slightest bit uninformed, you are exactly the kind of person banks and credit card companies exploit.

First, let’s rewind to the days of Capri Suns and Sister Sister...

How We Earn Money, How We Get Paid & Where We Store Money

When you were young, you probably earned money by doing small jobs like walking dogs and babysitting. You probably got paid in cash by people close to you, like parents and your neighbors. Then you’d store that cash by putting it in something PHYSICAL, like a piggy bank or your wallet for example. 

When you get older, you get a job at a company. As their employee, instead of cash, you’re getting paid in paychecks. You’re probably making more money now, so you need a place to keep that money safe, so you deposit that money in the bank. A bank is kind of like an adult piggy bank. But your money is way more safe inside a bank, and it’s more practical when you’re dealing with large amounts of money. It’s easier to pull money out only when you need it, which leads me to my next point:

How We Spend Money

Take a look at these two cards.

Can you guess which one is a credit card and which one is a debit card? No? I can’t either! But don’t let their looks fool you, they couldn’t be ANY MORE DIFFERENT!

When you use a debit card, you are using your OWN money in your bank account. Checks and cash fall into the category of YOUR money as well. However, when you use a credit card, you are using a bank’s money to make a purchase, and you’re responsible for paying it back. In other words, there are WAY more strings attached!  

How Debit Cards and Checks Work

Let’s drill into this important difference. If you want to spend YOUR MONEY, you have a few options. If you want cash, you can go to an ATM machine, put in your debit card and withdraw cash. If you don’t want to carry around a bunch cash all the time, you can also use a debit card for purchases. When you buy something, you swipe your debit card and that store will instantly pull money directly out of your bank account. It’s way more convenient than having to constantly go to the ATM to fill up on cash. Lastly, you can also use checks, which behave just like debit cards, except your transaction isn’t authorized instantly.  The person you write your check to has to deposit your check at their bank, which is when the money will be withdrawn from your bank account. These days, writing checks is a bit old school, so I wouldn’t be surprised if you rarely use this form of payment, especially since we now have Venmo, Google Wallet, and Paypal.

How Credit Cards Work

The other way you can pay for things is with a credit card. Every time you swipe your credit card, YOU are spending your BANK’S money, and then you will have to pay your bank back.

At the end of the month, your credit card company will send you a bill stating how much you owe them, but they will only force you to pay a small portion by the due date. So naturally, you might think, “OMG sweet!  I spent $500 this month, but I’m just going pay $25 for now, and pay the rest later.”

But NO! This is a trap! This is exactly how credit cards love to make money off of their customers. Because when you don’t pay off your bill, the bank will charge you interest. And they deliberately don’t make this super explicit on your billing statement or your online account, because they WANT to charge you interest.

Scary adult word check!

Interest is the fee that banks charge you in return for borrowing their money. The longer you wait to pay off your balance, you will collect more and more interest charges, which is currently about 15% of per year on average. So if you paid off $25 of your $500 balance, you now owe $475 plus an additional $5.94 from interest.

While all of this sounds probably extremely depressing, here’s the silver lining: If you pay off your bill 100% every single month when it’s due, you’ll never pay a penny in interest.

If you take away one thing from this episode, NEVER EVER EVER spend more money than you have. No debt = no interest = happy YOU. 😍

Does Your Major Really Matter?

First of all, why do we even ask this question?  It’s because we have been probably told all our lives that if we study hard, we’ll get a good job and make lots of money. So therefore, you, being the ambitious, studious young woman, want to know if you’re making the right decision with what you’re studying right now. Or, maybe you’ve already graduated, but you are having some trouble finding a job and you want to know if your degree or major is hurting your chances of finding work. These are definitely reasonable concerns!

Let’s take a step back and here and think about how school has groomed us to operate. For as long as you’ve been in school, you have probably followed this formula for success:

Homework + Exam Grades = Class Grade.

So naturally, maybe you’ve swapped out these variables and replaced them with what you think it takes to get a job, hence why you’re asking “Does my degree or major really matter?” But the job market does NOT work that way!

How Dating is Kinda Like Job Hunting

I once went on a date with this guy who said that he can’t find a girlfriend because he’s not tall enough, and all women are just shallow and want a tall guy. Meanwhile, I was thinking, “Annnnnnd… you haven’t stopped talking about yourself, you were rude to the waiter, and you generally lack self-awareness. Your height is not the only reason why nobody calls you back."

My point is, yes, some women would place height pretty high on their list of things they look for in a guy, some don’t care so much, and some don’t care at all.  But most importantly, I don’t know a single woman who will date a guy SOLELY because he’s tall. The guy needs to bring other qualities to the table, such as a sense of humor, intelligence, and family values. Employers are kind of the same way with majors or degrees. Some employers place a premium on your education, but not all. Most employers want to see the complete picture of what you have to offer, like your technical skills, enthusiasm for the job, work ethic, and prior experience.

Your Major Is Only One Part of Your Entire Package

If you look at your average job description, companies typically list requirements for certain major or degrees IN ADDITION to other skills and strengths, because they aren’t just interested in your academic achievements. They want to get to know the complete package of what you have to offer. Ultimately, they’re not looking for a student, they are looking for a team player to help their company succeed.

If this was a recipe for being the best possible candidate for a job, your major or degree will be one of several ingredients. But if you think that your major or degree or lack thereof might be a disadvantage, just like how you can swap out ingredients in a recipe, you can make up for academics in other ways, like by mastering the required skills, having relevant internship experience, or getting to know the hiring manager personally.

By the way, if you ever look at a job description and decide to not apply because you think you’re not qualified, OMG APPLY ANYWAYS! Ultimately, a job description is just a sheet of paper. A human being will decide whether or not you get the job, so don’t take the initiative to disqualify yourself.

To succeed in your career, you won’t be able to rely on a formula to guarantee your success. It kinda sucks, but I personally think it’s a really beautiful thing! So long, GPAs and SATs. You are now free to follow whatever value system you choose to believe in! 😎

So in conclusion, never let the excuse “I can’t find a job because I majored in _____[insert liberal arts degree]____” stop you from finding a job!